It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well you can't waste a boner
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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