I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize