i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
