Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you win again, gameday.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
