absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
