i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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