You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
