Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
did i just pee glitter
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