I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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