I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dear god my vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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