Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
