I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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