operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
