Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
