Im at strip club and am horny
Dual....:-)
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
