I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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