I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
