When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
