We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So. Much. Porn.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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