grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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