so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
