toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
