So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
