She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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