If i come over, it means nothing
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize