Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
