I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
