why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
