you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
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