Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
