In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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