So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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