love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
