I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
