I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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