I heard we made out
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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