Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
