I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
