you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
