If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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