it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
