its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
