nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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