Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
