You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
