so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
