Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
