Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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