I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
