the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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