you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize