I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
