I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize