I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
