god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
tell me about the eggs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
