You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize