Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
