I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
