I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
