He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
