There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize