Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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