the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
