i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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