we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
