I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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