She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
